Wednesday, 13 May 2015

I'm Breaking Up With My Clothes.

Today, I had a bit of a breakdown. It wasn't over something serious. No. It was over my... clothes. Funny how something so trivial, can make you feel like you're the Flea (Kuzco) inside the box that Yzma is going to "smash with a hammer". Try not saying that in her voice because I definitely couldn't. The flea being my self-esteem.

So, there I sat. In our room, among all of our clothes that were lying in a pile on the floor. Crying because I hate all of them. All these freaking clothes, and nothing fits, or feels right. They are itchy. Or stretched out. Or too small. Or too big. Or just aren't me anymore.

I gave birth to Renner a little over 2 years ago, and still my clothes don't fit right. I've bought some here and there that make me feel pretty, or I think look good. But usually they were a quick grab off the rack when browsing with the kid, and didn't have time to try it on. And not to mention that half the clothes I do have are from my high school days, and let's be honest, my body ain't near the same as those days haha. Mama's got a whole new frame now.

Let me be quite clear though. This isn't an "I hate my body" post. So don't get that confused. I do quite love my body. With all of it's imperfection, and curves. I always have. Are there things I wish I could change? Of course. Could the booty be a little tighter? Sure. But that's what those squats are for. Unfortunately, I just love to not do them.

So, as I sat in the pile of our clothes, having an ugly crying/poor me sesh, I came to the conclusion to just  g e t   r i d   o f   t h e m. I have this weird.. not obsession, but attachment? Yeah, attachment, to all my clothes. I can't bear the thought of getting rid of a single piece. What if one day I remembered that one shirt that I haven't worn in over a year, and finally had the occasion to wear it? That day hasn't come yet, but I'm just sayin', it could.

But now I think I've finally reached my limit. I'm tired of feeling like I have nothing to wear, but have this giant pile of clothes. I actually hate that feeling.

(^ these are some of the ones I chose to keep)

Now I'm just going to sort through them, and decide which ones get the boot, or the hanger. The ones that I am getting rid of I'll bring to Goodwill, or to a consignment store, and hopefully get something in return for those, since we don't have an unlimited supply of funds to update my entire wardrobe.

It's in these moments that I actually feel like I'm growing up. I will still mourn the loss of the ones that I wish I could of had a more exclusive relationship with, but it was time for me to move on to better, prettier, and more comfortable things.

Here's to hoping that the husband takes pity on me, and funds me a shopping trip. New clothes for the wife equals happy life, right?

Tuesday, 21 April 2015

weekly obsessions

/  c a r a m e l  a p p l e  m i n i  d o n u t sRemember these that I mentioned in my Nair Post? Okay, well can I tell you how amazing they were? Because they were. Someone should give this woman a friggin' metal for how beautiful this recipe was. A+ good woman. I was proud to re-create these in my home.
* I didn't put the pretzels in them, and I did make my own buttermilk with milk and lemon juice, and it was perfect.
But really, her blog is sooo good, and filled with the most delicious recipes. 

/  l' o r e a l  h a i r  m a s k. I might be new to getting on this train, but holy. I'm hooked. It's amazing. They had a few different options but I just grabbed the Total Repair 5. They do have other kinds for specific things (color protection, volume, re-nutrition, etc.), but I chose this one because my hair is damaged. And I'm in sweet, sweet love. It has completely transformed my hair. Whenever I would braid my hair, before I used this, it would get all wispy, and thin at the end of the braid. But after using it only 3 times, 3 TIMES GUYS, it has gotten noticeably thicker, the color has gotten brighter and shinier, it's become stronger, and looks healthier overall. Which is a feat with how much I've dyed, and damaged it. Especially from straighteners. Thank you 16 year old self. Really though, I highly recommend this to anyone looking for something new to freshen up those beautiful locks.

/  m a y b e l l i n e  m a s t e r  c o n c e a l e rI was in the market for a new concealer, but I wanted to be cheap about it. So I went on a hunt for a cheap drugstore one, that gave amazing coverage as a pricey one. And I FOUND IT. It's so amazing guys. These dark circles I gots since becoming a mama is a bit ridic. I'm a vibrant, young mama, and wife! I ain't supposed to be lookin' like Voldemort is walking down the street. There are children present. Good grief! But, it's been a bit of a gong show trying to find one that covers them, and isn't super pricey. But here it is! This one covers them beautifully. And I no longer look like the Dark Lord. Win win.

/  e a s y  s u m m e r  b u nSometimes I wish I could see the front of their hair in these pictures so they aren't left up to my imagination. It just doesn't validate my reasons to be lazy guys. That's really what the problem is. But I will just sit here, and dream about what could be..

/  d i y  m o d e r n  d r e a m c a t c h e r. I always said that I would get a tattoo of one when I got older. That obviously never happened. Nor will. But dreamcatchers were my and my Dad's favorite thing. I always would get nightmares as a kid, and into my teenage years, (probably from being allowed to watch It & Killer Clowns From Outer Space when I was 6, but yah know)  and my Dad would always tie a piece of my hair around my dreamcatcher, and put a golden safety pin (his signature thing) on it. And I will always swear to this day on how much they helped me. Be it our Native blood, or wonders of will power they worked. I love them. And I love this memory of him. I still have one to this day, and so does Ren. But I want to make one kind of like this for him.

I am though superly (yes,its a word) addicted to her blog. It sings to me. It will probably sing to you too.

/  And to end it on a funny note because I'm pretty sure I'm trying to set the record of how many times I can re-wash towels that have been sitting in my dryer for the past few days.

it may not be the weekend, but it is the middle of the week.
figured you might need a pick me up.
and i am kinda overdue on this...
in my defensive i had nair attack me.
and just crazy things go down.
like my internet being down, and having the telus guy come out
every. single. week.
because it kicks off ALL THE TIME.
..but i'm not bitter. 

anyways, as always, you rock my obsessive homies.

Saturday, 18 April 2015

my worst nairmare

We all know what Nair is right? We became addicted to it in Junior High because our mama's wouldn't let us use a razor at 12. And regardless of the disgusting smell of it we'd buck up, and sit over the edge of the bathtub, and cry over the burning of our preteen hair follicles. But it was WORTH IT to get that slimy glorious feeling of hair free legs. And also because we reeeeally wanted to impress the boys in gym class. ..oh, was that just me?

Well, who knew that they made that same wonderful hair removal cream For. Your. Face!? I know right? I was walking through Safeway (to get stuff for caramel apple mini donuts, more on that later) when I found it...

Totally seems promising right?
Skin Care Ingredients guys. Come on.

Now you ask, how did you get this idea to remove the hair from your face? Well, I'm glad you asked. About a month ago I watched a video about "The Try Girls" shaving their faces. My mom had told me that she also shaves her face (and with revealing that, I may have signed my death warrant). There are a bunch of awesome benefits about why you should.. blah blah blah. But anyways, as I watched, I became super interested, and even more curious than wanting to watch 50 Shades of Grey, in what the hair would feel like when it came back, and if my face would even be able to handle a razor to it. My face is pretty sensitive. But I said, what the hell. Imma go for it.

Long story short, I ended up loving the final result, but hated the way it felt a few days later. Kind of like when you eat a Big Mac with extra Mac Sauce. It's so amazing when you start, but after a few hours.. well.. #regrets

So, when I found this beautiful box that said Nair Face & Upper Lip Cream I was pretty pumped. Best part, it was only 6 bucks.

That night I was super excited to test it out. And after eating an entire plate of those delicious Caramel Apple Mini Donuts, #noregrets, I went into the bathroom, and read over the instructions. Blah blah blah.. don't do this.. don't do that.. Meanwhile, Keagan was being ever rude by interrupting this important moment for me by yelling at the TV in the living room because of the Flames playoff game. But I continued on, ever valiantly, and got situated on the counter, and started putting it on my face.

It was alright. Not as smelly or bad as the leg cream. 

Once the game ended, Keags came in to check on me. Told me about one of the ending fights of the game, which I can't resist, and said I needed to come watch it. I said, "Okay, but this can't stay on for that long.." He told me it wouldn't take that long, and that I HAD to see it. I put the cream on at 10:55 PM, and set a timer for a few minutes later. While watching the fights I decided that my girl Alyssa had to know what was going on, so I sent her this picture of the process /

Pretty thuggish right? I thought so too. I was so pumped to come out of this process with no hair on my face, and wondering how long before the hair grew back, and how it would feel.

I look at my phone a few minutes later, and go to the bathroom to wash it off. I felt it kind of burning, and tingle a little bit, but I didn't think to much of it because it wasn't near as bad as the leg cream.. or so I thought.

You know that feeling you get when you're making bacon, and the oil pops, and you freak out because the tiny little dot almost burned your arm? Yeah? Okay, so, now try imaging that oil being sprayed across your face with a pressure hose. WELCOME TO MY WORLD. I honestly couldn't even have my eyes open while I wiped the rest off because any drops of tears burned it even more. It was like a knife slicing into my face, and then someone coming over to wipe the blood off with a boiling hot metal scrubber, coated with the stench of baby oil.

I yelled to Keagan, "KEAGAN! MY FACE IS FALLING OFF. I NEED HELP."  So he comes running in, takes one look at me and says, "What the hell did you do?!" Because THAT'S something I needed to hear when I'm already sure that Hell itself is burning off my face! He starts laughing, and I start freaking out, "I don't know! I did everything right?! It huuurrrtssss so bad." Did I do everything right though?

After the traitorous cream was completely wiped off, I summoned all strength to look in the mirror, and assess the damages. Red. That's all I saw. My most hated color was spewed all across my face. For a split second, it looked like I was from the 80s.

But I'm not! I'm not from the 80s! I wasn't wearing horridly, over colored blush. I was wearing chemically altered burned bright red skin. The only plus side of this ENTIRE bloody process, was that my eyebrows stayed on point during that whole procedure. And for those wondering why I still had my eye makeup on, well, I figured I'd just save some coconut oil, and just wipe it all off after this was done, and then moisturize my face with it after the hair was gone. I don't know guys.

Now, when I had read the instructions on the bottle I thought it said "leave on for 10 minutes". Fun Fact: Inside the box, they have this entire sheet with step by step of what to do, and turns out, what it really said was, "Leave on for 3-4 minutes. DO NOT EXCEED OVER 10 MINUTES." In my defense, the writing on the bottle was really tiny.. and I'm an idiot haha.

I spent the whole rest of the evening in agonizing pain. Dying a slow death of melting from the juices of the devil that is, NairWay to freaking go, was all I kept thinking. I couldn't open my mouth to speak. I couldn't touch my face with hardly anything. It felt like I'd been shot up with a pound of botox with how stiff my face was. The only relief I felt was making Keagan take one of Ren's aden & anais blankets (because the material was so thin and soft), soaking it with ice cold water, and putting it on my face with frozen perogies on top. Class act.

Notice the broccoli? It wasn't doing its job properly. So it got replaced.
But at least Titus knew I needed his support.

It's gotten a bit better today. No more burning sensation. The swelling went down. {Which I give credit to the 20 benadryl I took to help that, and help me sleep. Even though the directions on that bottle said, "do not give to kids to make sleep". Legit said that. But we all know how I'm a rebel at those directions, and I'm not a kid. So they can suck it.} The redness has faded. The only real burns I have now are just at the corners of my mouth, and they are fading. And on the plus side, I doubt my hair will ever grow back after that.
...well, a girl can hope.

Will I use this product again? Probably. I think it would of been fine, had I not left it on for 7 minutes longer than I should have. And.. my face is pretty smooth.

All in all, there's a silver lining in everything.

Tuesday, 14 April 2015

The 52 Project / weeks 12-14

'A picture of my child once a week, every week for a year'

{twelve / fifty-two}

{thirteen / fifty-two}

{fourteen / fifty-two}

Tuesday, 7 April 2015

mommy monster / round two

All I wanted to do was finish reading this page I was on. That's it people. Wasn't asking for much. Just to simply find out what was going to happen in this thrilling chapter, so I could focus on what was happening right in front of me. But no. Wasn't happenin'. This 3 foot something, fire breathing, screaming semblance of my kid, would not allow it. Needless to say, the Mommy Monster started to wake up from her long slumber. And she was ticked.

I mean, how dare he not let me finish reading this ONE part? Doesn't he realize all that I do for him? Doesn't he know that I need my own time? Doesn't he know the agonizing hours of labor I went through to bring him into this world? I mean really, did he need me to pay attention to him right that minute? Probably not! So, after the 4th head butt to my leg, I slammed my tea down on the table, for dramatic effect, because THAT. WAS. IT.

Obviously, it splashed everywhere. Which only made me even more mad. "Really, Ren? Come on!" Of course, it was his fault that the tea spilled! Then I had to get up, and go in search of a towel, only to realize, oh hey, they were all in the dirty clothes. You've got to be freaking kidding me. I go into the laundry room, muttering to myself about how I never get time alone to do anything, and how, just for one day, I'd love to just sit and read by myself. No distractions. No crying. No whining. No nothing. Just quiet. While still fuming over the woes of my life, I come out into the living room to see Ren already cleaning up my spilled tea with some diaper wipes. He had grabbed them from under the couch, opened the lid, and pulled some out to wipe it up for me. I immediately dropped the towel I was holding, ran over to him, and just held him with tears pouring down my face. We're talking ugly sobbing.

Sometimes, I get so caught up in my own head that I don't look up from what I'm doing, and just see what is happening right in front of me. This kid is precious beyond anything I've ever imagined, and it's moments like these that make me cherish the life I have. The best part was when I was holding him, and he gave me this quizzical look, wiped my tears, said, "oh no", then gave me a kiss. My heart is full, even though I feel like a complete a-hole. Although, this picture does make me feel a bit better about myself.


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